I don’t really blog about this, but after having a talk with one of my best friends Devo, I decided to get my thoughts straight on paper (or on a Linux server HDD platter if you want to get excessively technical like the dork that I am.)

All the time these random questions run through my mind. “Who will I be with in the future” “Where is she?” “Do I already know her?” “Will she feel as lucky to have me as I will to have her?” I can’t even begin to scrape the surface of how many of these questions come across my mind. Many of them are so random and at times, really lame. “Will she make my heart melt when she smiles?” “Will she be a girl that I confidently present and introduce to my mother?” The list goes on.

I’m really not the type to talk about relationships. Cause first of all, I’m not even in one. Perhaps also because I constantly give people the impression that I’m better off alone. I don’t exactly have a long track history of dating you know. But nonetheless, I always strive to impress, even when I’m not trying to. I don’t want to give girls the impression that I’m just some jerk or some typical uneducated guy who doesn’t know anything. I try to be as kind as possible to girls at all times, which may have something to do with how my mother raised me. But even then so, I kind of feel like I’m doing it wrong.

I remember reading an article a while back, perhaps about a year ago, about how nice guys never get the girls. It talked about how nice guys always get walked over by girls and how they’ll always lose their girls to the guys who are more “confident” and “manly.” After reading that article, I felt kind of hurt. It made me reflect upon myself because I kind of consider myself to be this nice guy. “Maybe I am just being too nice to these girls.” “Maybe I should just try to become a jerk, then they’ll notice me.” No. That’s just not the way it works.

Even though I know in my mind that I’m a nice guy, I know that the article was not talking about me. The article talked about how nice guys always put women on pedestals and are always wishy-washy and clingy. I’m a nice guy, it’s naturally in my blood. But if it’s anything I hate being or seeing, it’s clingy. I’ve cared very deeply for my all of my girlfriends in the past (hell I still do) but I have never obsessed over any of them. I’ve never given a girl the impression that I need them in order to live or move on. Even more, I hate it when people do it. I really pity and look down upon people that become obsessive over others. It’s an unnecessary practice and an excellent display of idiocy. People who obsess over others with gifts and emotional behaviors do it to make themselves feel good. They think that making that other person happy is the only way to make themselves happy. It’s not. You don’t need that person, you simply want them.

So what kind of girl do I want? Well, I’ll tell you. Above anything, I want a girl that wants but doesn’t need me. My girl will be one who is able to prove that she can be strong, confident, and independent on her own. She will be one that never ceases to impress and competes to be a step ahead of me. I want someone that will never slow me down or hold me back from the important things in life. Someone that sets high standards for herself and never falls below it. She will be a girl that I can proudly present to my mother without any hesitation and say, “Mom, I want to introduce you to my girlfriend.” I want her to be able to do the same with her parents. She’s gonna be as cute as a button and I’m going to be proud to call her mine. My girl isn’t going to be some desperate helpless romantic, she is going to be nothing short of an amazing woman.

I don’t know when I will meet this person (or if I already have) but until then, I will happily wait for her. However long it takes.