I never thought I would do this, but for the first time in my life, I purchased two Handjobs for five bucks. Was it really a good deal or just too good to be true? Well lets find out…

The parodic infomercial-style advertisement for the Handjob has to be one of the most ridiculous, tasteless, and above all, ingeniously pun-tastic infomercials I have ever seen. Somebody seriously needs to call the police on Uncle Greg. I stumbled upon it after browsing through one of my favorite gadget blogs, Gizmodo. I’ve seen plenty of parodies like these from time to time, but never one as shamefully clever as this one. Nearly every single line in this commercial is a pun of an actual handjob and they’re dished out as if the term never existed. The corny 80’s style music, exaggerated acting, smooth transitions, and genuine-sounding spokesperson all seal the deal for a perfect looking commercial. At the end, they insist that you visit ineedahandjob.com to order. Most parodies that include a website usually do it for added humor. They make it appear that you can order the product but you can’t because it’s not real. Whether the Handjob was real or not, I wanted to see how far this would go. And with five bucks to spare, what did I have to lose? I ordered my Handjobs and recieved this email a few days later:

Dearest Handjob Consumers,

Thank you so much for your orders! Due to many recent inquiries, we would like to take this opportunity to assure you that yes, this is a real product. And yes, you will be receiving your very own genuine Handjobs shortly.

We were taken by surprise at the overwhelming response and the number of orders we’ve received thus far, and we are working very hard to try to get all of your orders to you by Christmas time. Please note that we can make no guarantees, but we will be working around the clock between now and then in an effort to satisfy your wants and desires.

We take Handjobs very seriously, and we truly do appreciate each and every one of you for supporting us. And look forward to many new and exciting developments on the HJ front! Thank you again, and we look forward to hearing about all the pleasure your heartwarming Handjobs provide this season!

Cheers,
Lisa Q.
Handjob! Customer Service

Wow, they continue to dish out puns in their customer service emails too. After a long time of waiting, I finally receive my Handjobs. To my surprise, they actually look… good. I expected some small, cheap, foamy material but it’s actually top-grade rubber. To see if they really worked as advertised, I tested them out on a jar of pickles that haven’t been opened in a while. It… worked, better than a towel or the end of your shirt I might add. After keeping them laying around on my desk, I found that they make pretty sick coasters and reduce the chance of my drink spilling over. For five bucks, they’re not bad at all. In the end, no matter how genuine something like this, it’s all done just for laughs. I don’t need them at all. I could just give them away, but for the sake of avoiding reactions from dirty minds, I’m pretty sure I won’t be giving anyone a Handjob.

Pros:
- It actually works as advertised.
- Reasonably priced.

Cons:
- Requires an open sense of humor.
- Humiliation from dirty minds.
- Ironically won’t help when used for real handjobs.